Dear Melvin,
The time is quickly coming for you to lose your rightful place and space in this home. While you have continually presented yourself as the 'man of the house' it is my estimation that soon no space will be sacred. In fact, it wont be long until you are chased out of every nook and cranny that you deem worthy of resting in. I would recommend that you quickly learn the art of jumping up high to flee the mobile ground unit that is finalizing its training. Although please remember that the 'Alpha dog' will yell at you and tell you to get off the furniture if you desire to find solace there...
In short, your world is about to come crumbling down around you.
Sorry,
Your master
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